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It's over

I'm going to have a hard time making it through this post dry-eyed. I think it's over. It was so out of the blue, but I guess no one every really expects it to happen. I think the way it all transpired was the biggest shocker. I mean, if you were ending a relationship, what would you expect to hear or to say? Things like:

  • There's someone else...
  • I feel trapped...
  • I don't love you anymore...
So, do you want to hear what was said to me? "Jesus doesn't love you." That's right. My three-year bond with my boy Miles might have ended with those words. It left me speechless. And in case any of you think it was just a fluke, he followed it up the next night with: "I don't want to way wiv you dad, I want mommy". He then told me, that after I was done laying in bed with my eight-year old he wanted me to leave the room.

Ok, so this comes from a boy who for three years only wanted three things. Daddy, daddy, and daddy. Who does he want to hold him? Daddy. Who does he want to change his diaper? And if he doesn't get this person he will scream? Daddy. Who does he want to take him out of his high chair and clean him? Daddy. Who does he want to hold him at Disneyland, and Lagoon, and Bear Lake all weekend? Daddy. 

Three nights ago, I'm laying beside him as we both were staring at the ceiling, just enjoying the moment. Then he spoke those unprovoked words I'll never forget and never quite understand. "Daddy, Jesus doesn't love you." WOW. Maybe it's the potty training, maybe it's the new sleeping arrangements without bunk beds, maybe it's a thousand different things. But man, I would have expected him to impersonate Usain Bolt and say "I'm a legend" before I would have expected to hear what I heard.

Oh well. Now when the kids go to bed it's Gina's job to lay with them. Maybe three years was long enough for one parent to tell bear stories and sing nursery rhymes. I write this post somewhat in jest, but deep down I'd be lying to you if I said that a part of me wasn't mourning inside. This just brings to light to hard truth that though we'd like to keep our babies as babies forever, they all do a strange thing. They grow up. They change. Now it's up to me to act like the unwanted doll in Toy Story and move on with life, all the while painfully reminiscing with these words swimming in my mind "when somebody loved me, everything was beautiful..."


  1. aw...sad! I'm sure he'll be begging for you in a month. =)

  2. oh my thats so sad ..he is young he doesnt mean it