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Larry King Interviews Ben Arkell-Part One

Larry King: Good Evening America. Tonight CNN and Larry King Live are stepping foot into a world of discovery, literally doing something never done before. We believe in bringing the news to you, the hard working, blue collar, every day Americans. I have had the opportunity of interviewing thousands of actors, politicians, athletes--amazing people who have made amazing contributions to our society and world. And you know what, I am bored with that. So CNN and Larry King Live have decided to interview everyday Americans who have no fame, no fortune, and in many instances, like tonight's program, have made no contribution to the world. We bring you "The Interview with Bland America".

Tonight's guest in Ben Arkell. Ben is a Payroll Manager for a small firm in Utah. Welcome Ben!

Ben: Thanks for having me Larry, again, this is amazing.

Larry: So Ben, tell us about yourself. Where are you from? What was life like for you growing up?
Ben: Well, I was born and raised in Hingham, MA--a town of about 20,000. My father and grandfather were both on the police force. I liked playing basketball. I was a ball hog and was nicknamed 'mosquito' because I would never let up on defense. I hated school, my GPA in High School was 2.813. I add the 3 because it makes me look smarter than if I said 2.81.
Larry: No it doesn't.
Ben: Well, I feel smarter. Anyway, hated school, never did homework, never read a whole book. Looking back, I wish I had.
Larry: Wasn't your wife a 4.0 student, and valedictorian of Jordan High School? Any jealousy there?
Ben: Yes she was a 4.0 student. Valedictorian no, I think she was first runner up. She was offered a full ride scholarship to UVU. Jealous? No--there's book smart and life smart.
Larry: And which are you?
Ben: Still trying to figure that one out.
Larry: Well, moving on.....is it true you were locked in the bathroom in junior high?
Ben: Yeah, that was a life changing experience. The janitor opened the door and yelled "Anybody in here?". I was in the middle of pushing so I couldn't respond. Then I heard the door lock.
Larry: Fascinating. Is there more to the story.
Ben: Yes, would you like me to finish?
Larry: No. Let's talk a little bit about your modeling career. My notes say you are the worlds first mirrored auto-modeler. Explain this to us. Ben: It's as if I were to write my life story. It would be an autobiography. I am doing that with pictures. I think it really brings out who you are if you're the one taking the shots. I know my strengths, and I know how to get the camera to find that perfect shot. All my shots are done in the mirror as well. There is something about mirrors that is very revealing. It's like instantaneous development of my film. I know what I'm getting before I snap one pic.
Larry: I see this becoming something very big. How are your projects coming.
Ben: So far, this picture you put up is the only one I've taken, but I am getting a lot of requests for more shots. People are really catching on.
Larry: Talk to us about your recent visit to Panamá.
Ben: I served a two year mission for the LDS (Mormon) Church. A new temple was being dedicated there and I have not been back since 2000. Carol Mikita was asked to accept an assignment down there and she had no way to get there. I took her and my wife down on my private jet. It was a good time.

Larry: On to the next question, why is it you have made no contribution to the world and there are so many others who have left there mark?

Ben: I honestly think it's because I'm skinny.

Larry: So if you ate more, you would have made something of yourself? Maybe been a doctor, lawyer, gone to graduate school.

Ben: I think my diet has a lot to do with that. I skip breakfast. Breakfast is the most important part of your day. I don't have important parts of my day. My days aren't important. That's why I don't contribute.

Larry: Great! Sounds like you have that all figured out. Well, this will just about wrap up Part One of our series. In closing, we would like to throw out some names, current events, news issues and would like to get the opinion of a regular American who has no influence on anyone. Just tell us the first thing that comes to your mind. You up for that?

Ben: Go ahead.

Larry: Sarah Palin

Ben: Better looking than Biden.

Larry: $700 Million bailout

Ben: Who got arrested?

Larry: No, the governments bad debt bailout of the banking industry.

Ben: Oh, Gordon B. Hinckley called it a long time ago.

Larry: Obama vs. McCain

Ben: I know as much about politics as Homer Simpson knows about parenting.

Larry: War in Iraq

Ben: I can see both sides. I just wish everyone in the world were a beauty queen. That's about the only way we'll have world peace.

Larry: Well that's all the time we have tonight. Ben, thanks for joining us this evening. We will be inviting Ben back next month for some more in depth questions into the life of a nobody.

And thank you America. I hope this has been a good experience for all of us. Remember, if you ever get discouraged and think that you are not making a difference in the world, lift your head up and realize this--you're not the only one.

6 comments:

  1. I think you all make a difference. Excuse the sarcasm.

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  2. ha ha...I LOVED it ben...you crack me up!

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  3. That was one nasty crap...which leads to the obvious question: why the picture?

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  4. Is this what you do on a Friday night???

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  5. Where do you come up with this stuff? What's with the ad? Jeremy wants to know if your whorring out your blog. Pardon the French.

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