Wally ball Mania

(Official Wally ball)



(Ty in black shorts goes for the spike)

Ty is not a frequent subject of posts, but thought he should be called out for guaranteeing victory on Saturday in Wally ball. Turns out, Gina's team of 3 went 4-0, while easily handling Ty's team. Even though he lost, Ty does get this nice picture of him posted on the Internet.




My Beauty ain't no Geek


What I have to say, I must say carefully. Let me start with a poem to my dear Gina.

I love hot stuff, you're so sweet
Life with your is really neat
If you've had a bad day and need a treat
Give me some lotion and I'll rub you feet
So Gina has had a tough weekend scholastically speaking. I don't like to point out her faults, but I feel justified in light of the Beauty and the Geek premiere . Let me list 4 mishaps that caused us both to have a jolly good laugh. (And to realize that I have a shot at being the undisputed geek in this relationship)
1. On two occasions this weekend she told me to take a right, while pointing to the left with her left hand.
2. Sara asked Gina what P-L-A-C-E spelled and Gina said plaza. (might not seem like a big deal, but Gina won 87 spelling bees in the continental US and Europe)
3. Sara later asked Gina what word to use in an email and she told her to spell "brang: B-R-A-N-G" (commonly known as brought) which is not a word in the English language (although there are some dialects that will accept this usage)
4. Gina was trying to do math in her head and she determined that 25/3 = 7.50 (For those of you who are wondering what the real answer is, it's 8.33. )
Okay, so you are all thinking "Big deal", and so am I. We just both had some great laughs because this all happened within a 10 hour period. As I write this I am feeling more guilty with each word. But I am doing it for the greater good. For all of you who look at Gina and think she is perfect and without flaw, realize that she has made 4 mistakes in our 6 year marriage and they all happened within 10 hours. My next post will detail the 5 things I forgot to do on Friday.


SEXIEST NAME CONTEST

Please, Please, Please-I need some feedback on this one.

Which name is the most appealing, best sounding. (pretend he is a boy you were in love with)

a. Cade Phillips

b. Cade Wilson

c. Cade Jensen

d. Cade Griffin

e.Cade Watson

f. Cade Parker

Any suggestions of a last name that would go well with Cade other than what is already here?

Federer Checks Himself into Betty Ford Clinic

Some athletes have tough skin. Then there's Roger Federer. After word that he had been criticized on a weekly blog, Federer lost it. Paparazzi caught every gripping millisecond of the tennis king's reaction on camera. Roger Federer was in the middle of a warm up session when his friend read the following excerpt from Cameo and Jeremy Bell's website:

"I hate Roger Federer as much as I can hate somebody I don’t know"



Federer listening intently


It starts to sink in

The pain is too much to bear


Short term paralysis sets in


Asked to comment on his feelings a day later, Federer kept repeating "How can she say she doesn't know me? How can she say she doesn't know me?" Our best wishes to Federer in the Betty Ford Clinic. He is expected to be in treatment for at least 3 weeks.

AP News
9/12/2007
12:18 AM ET

Terry the Multi-tasker

Congrats on your achievement Terry. I hope I am not butting in, and perhaps it is not my place, but Trista often gets frustrated when you pile to much on your plate at one time. Maybe next year you could leave the violin home while you do the 206 miler. I think your hand will feel a lot better if you aren't fiddlin' around for 13 hours.

Signed,

-A concerned and very humble brother-in-law (who shall remain anonymous)

The Vampire Strikes Back


It appears there was a vampire attack in the South Salt Lake area on Friday night. A young child woke his parents up late Friday and revealed a deep, blood soaked wound on his cheek.
In a statement by the young boy's family, it was stated that the wound was caused by a vampire. Police reports released the following conversation they had with the victim:

Police: "How did you get hurt"
Boy: "A lady scraped me. I wasn't fumpin on the fampoline"
Police: "Who was this lady"
Boy: "You wouldn't beweeve me if I told you"
Police: "Tell us or we will put you outside with the doggies"
Boy: "I am only 3, but I will try to explain what happened. I was laying in bed, somewhere between wakefulness and dream when I was suddenly alerted to a strange sensation. I heard a deep snarl, then my cheek felt warm and gooey. That warmth sharply turned into a blaze, as if my face were on fire. The pain was intense, the agony unending. I screamed and thrashed against my pillow. And then a cool hand was placed against my cheek, and the pain was gone."
Police: "Who's hand was it?"
Boy: "Edward's"
Police: "Who is Edward"
Boy: "A guy in a book that my mommy likes to daydream about."
Police: "Your losing us, is Edward real, or is he in book."
Boy: "Both. He is in a book. But for so many he has escaped the prison of those pages and has traveled into the limitless realm of their minds, becoming real, becoming as tangible as the love that one feels for a newborn babe. He lives in their minds and in their hearts. Each who knows Edward brings him to life, sustains him, keeps him breathing. Only in their minds can Edward ever die. I don't really now how else to explain it, I am only 3"
Police: "Hold on now, back up, let moves past this Edward thing for a minute. Who scraped you?"
Boy: "I would prefer you not say who, rather "what" scraped me? Calling her a "who" gives her more power"
Police: "Okay then, "what" scraped you, and why?"
Boy: "She could have killed me right then. She had the chance, she had the power, she had the desire. But greater still than the desire to kill me, was the desire to punish me, to punish me to a life of fear, fear of her still being out there, watching me. Her knowing that I knew that no one can protect me, gave her a bigger sensation. So she decided to brand me."
Police: "Brand you?"
Boy: "Yes, brand me, mark me hers. She wanted to let me know that she is always watching, that she can have me whenever she wants. She wants to prolong the misery."
Police: "Does she have a name?"
Boy: "Victoria"
End of transcript

Police Chief Pace Swan did inform the press that there were 4 more pages to the transcript, but for purposes of the investigation, those have not been released.

Salt Lake Tribune
09/08/2007

Bell vs. Arkell Trial- Day 1



Day 1 of proceedings at the Third District Court gave the prosecution an opportunity to present their first pieces of crucial evidence. The defendant, Jeremy Bell is seen here on the stand, being questioned by Keith Burton.







The prosecution brought out Arkell's uniform, which was tested for traces of ex-lax. Apparently the tests were positive for ex-lax residue, placing a bind on the defense to find answers.







This opened bottle of ex-lax also turned up in Bell's Eagle Mountain condominium, after police entered with a warrant to search the premises. Bell claims that his wife had been having vicious bouts with constipation.



Herriman police also confirmed on Thursday that numerous droppings were located in Butterfied Canyon approximately 50 feet west of a "No Pooping in the Canyon" sign. Considering the extreme circumstances, the District Attorney's office said a fine would not be issued to Arkell for relieving himself in a public park.









Scandal Rocks Lombardi Marathon

(Bell leaving 3rd District Court Monday morning)

Reports out of Salt Lake have confirmed that charges have been filed disputing the results of the Lombardi Half-Marathon held last Saturday. The plaintiff, Benjamin C. Arkell, claims marathon volunteers were in on a gambling scheme that had Arkell losing to a girl. Arkell was not available for comment, but his attorney Keith Burton released the following comment to the press early this morning:

"My client, Mr. Arkell has named Jeremy Bell as an inside on the job. He
believes Bell and others made large bets in Las Vegas which would have left them
highly compensated had Arkell lost to a female. As things proceeded during the
marathon, it did not appear that was likely to happen, so Bell took matters into
is own hands. My client feels that the results would have been different had
there been no interference."

Nothing further was revealed, however witnesses have come out and shed light on some interesting details. Emily Fastgirl, who finished ahead of Arkell stated that at the 2 mile mark she was handed a cup of water first, even though Arkell was standing there before her. Maria Lombardi, who followed Arkell for much of the race, believes Bell spiked Arkell's water with Exlax. "I saw him pull of the road just after drinking the water, he had to go pretty bad" Many witnesses have come forth to reveal that apparently Bell, the week before, had threatened to put Exlax in Arkell's drink. The final piece of evidence, found in Ty Lombardi's glove compartment, was a missing chip from Arkell's IPOD shuffle, which mysteriously stopped working at mile number 8, the last water stop in the canyon. It is believed that Bell promised Pace Lombardi, who was driving Ty Lombardi's vehicle at the time, a share of his winnings. Questions are now surfacing regarding Ty Lombardi's involvement. He, of course, was the overall winner. Philanthropist Dr. Anthony K. Lombardi , MD has threatened to pull funding from next years marathon if race volunteers are found guilty.

AP News
08/04/2007
(If anybody takes this serious and gets offended, please don't)

DANK 'U BEDI MUSH

On behalf of all the participants in the 2nd Annual Lombardi Cheapskate Half Marathon, we say to Koy, Pace, Jeremy, Trina, and Trista "THANKS, for all your hard work". (anybody have a mint?)